Propaganda I'm Not Falling For as a Muslim Woman
My most controversial takes
Call me difficult, a pot-stirrer, or even just problematic. If there’s one thing I’m going to do, it’s address the major issues I have with some of the mindsets many Muslims have.
Muslim men aren’t able to fetishize hijabi women
I had to jump into a juicy one. Did you jump out of your seat in horror or scream in agreement? I’ve written and discussed the fetishization of hijabi women for years, but a perpetrator of this that I haven’t mentioned before is the Muslim man. “But Hajar, is it wrong for a man to want a hijabi wife?” See, preference and fetish are two different things. There’s nothing wrong with having a preference for a hijabi wife, but there are men who have sinister intentions in that preference.
Many Muslim men, particularly those who subscribe to (whether they know it or not) the redpill ideology, believe what their non-muslim male counterparts also believe; hijabi women are submissive, subservient, and ready to be dominated. This fetish is not a preference but comes from deep misogynistic and orientalist ideals. They want a hijabi wife to control, to dominate (sexually, physically, and mentally). This preference does not come from a woman’s religiosity, but rather how she will perform for the animal of a man (and I boldly will call these men animals).
It’s socially acceptable to be arrogant and downright evil to women who take their hijab off.
When a Muslim woman takes her hijab off and also happens to have a large social platform, people are beside themselves in the comment section. I think it’s so unfortunate when we show traits opposite to those of Prophet Muhammad PBUH. Islam, to me, is the most empathetic religion. Our Ummah is supposed to be supportive, kind, and understanding. You don’t have to agree with this woman’s decision to remove her hijab, but I promise you that engaging in such hateful behaviors will only push this woman farther from ever becoming a hijabi again.
Living with your in-laws (even if you loveee them)
I don’t believe any married couple should be living with their in-laws, ESPECIALLY in the first few years of marriage. There’s a reason why Muslim women have the right to their own home separate from their in-laws and why sheikhs even discourage this living arrangement. Married couples need their space, independence, and time alone with one another. Sorry, but there’s no way I’d feel 100% comfortable being around my husband in my in-laws’ house. The first few years of marriage are absolutely pivotal in building a strong foundation and also getting to know one another deeply. How can that happen when you’re also worried about constantly pleasing your in-laws? There’s a level of privacy that’s needed that I believe every married couple should have.
Letting your extended family’s opinions of you rule your life
Want to hear something crazy? I have an aunt who has a burner account to stalk me. I have an aunt who spread rumors about me having a boyfriend in college (puhlease lmao eye roll). My own mother’s sisters only have negative things to say about me, but they don’t pay my bills, they don’t live my life, and I don’t answer to them. I only answer to Allah SWT. For toxic brown families, you have to realize that no matter what you do, they will speak ill about you. They will run your name into the ground. If you get caught up in catering every decision to please them or not cause controversy, you aren’t living your life for yourself. You’re allowing their negativity and bitterness to rule you.
Having kids simply because that’s “what’s next”
I’ve been pretty firm and unwavering in my opinion on having kids. I don’t believe having children should be a thoughtless decision. It should be an active decision to be parents. If you want kids because that’s part of your life plan, I’m truly cheering you on, and may Allah SWT make that easy for you. We simply need to rid ourselves of the belief that every woman, every couple should have children.
Being married means you’ve peaked in life
Being married doesn’t mean you’ve absolutely peaked in life. This one isn’t groundbreaking, I’ll admit it. But I feel it’s something that still must be emphasized, especially when it comes to the idea that being single means you’re losing at life, God isn’t happy with you, or you’re missing out. Marriage is rizq, it’s something that may or may not be in someone’s fate. When it comes to women and their single status, the concept of “rizq” is suddenly completely lost, and instead, a shame-guilt mindset is pushed. For many, being married means you’ve peaked in life, it’s an accomplishment within itself. You’ve “won”. You got the man. But surely, there’s more to who we are than this? People have been placing their husbands above God, whether they know it or not. The only “peaking” in life should be in association with religious enlightenment, where God is the center, not a man.
Going to college/getting a degree is useless
Have we truly regressed this much? To the point where every time I mention this “take” people act like it’s thee most controversial thing. I’m genuinely disappointed by the lack of critical thinking many Muslims have. Many of us in the West grew up with the understanding that education is a privilege. Going to school is a privilege, it’s something not everyone has access to, especially women. Islam has emphasized seeking knowledge. Some may say that emphasis is on Islamic knowledge only, but then why would Allah SWT allow some of the greatest minds in history to be Muslim? Why would He allow them to have shaped our world today through the Golden Age? We NEED Muslims in fields outside of just Islamic scholarship. We applaud Muslim doctors, but we need more than that. It’s not just “Muslim representation” that’s so looked down upon, it’s more than that. Muslim voices need to be heard, that’s how dawah is given, that’s how minds are changed, and that’s how progress occurs.
Controversial? You Tell Me.
Maybe I’m just “too woke” (lol), but to me, these takes aren’t even that controversial. I feel that a lot of these are opinions that seem too radical, but only because we aren’t able to get out of typical cultural rhetoric. Let me emphasize, cultural rhetoric. Islam is perfect, and if you think I’ll ever critique it, you’re in the wrong place. However, many Muslim cultures have sullied our religion to the point where I have to make this post encouraging girls to get an education, for men to grow the hell up, and for Muslims to look inward at what it means to be Muslim.
And being Muslim to me means to be empathetic, to be intelligent, and to be strong.
What propaganda are you not falling for? Let me know!
The way how I resonated with every single point, are you my soul sister by any chance??🤧
I absolutely hate it when people think it is their absolute right to ridicule a woman that took her hijab off, as if they are not capable of someday doing the same thing or doing something inherently worse, you never really know where life takes you and when you may be okay with crossing your own morals unconsciously or consciously. These kinds of people that are flooded in comment sections and all are like 'that would never be me' so I now have a right to hate on this woman who no longer chooses to cover, as it is my duty as a rightful person to make someone's life hell until they conform again, it is not my duty however to pay attention to the many atrocities that fellow Muslims around the world go though on a daily basis.
I truly will never understand what people get out of it?? My idea is that may they need proof they themselves are doing the right and rewardable thing by comparing themselves to someone who has done the 'supposed' wrong thing, it infuriates me to see that people assume that 'oh she took it off so she has lost all relationship with Allah'. Like I truly just do not understand and nor do i ever want to understand people like this. Anyway your points were really great, and they really got me thinking as you can see <33